troytoria1 (troytoria1) wrote in ihatemyparents,

I Wish I was normal

I was always a happy child.I was also a Huge daddy's girl.We did literally everything together.I could tell you how he taught me how to ride my like it was yesterday.My entire life turned into shit on August 25 2007 . I was 8 years old on that rainy day, I came home early in the morning from a friend's house .When I stepped into my house, I automatically knew something was wrong.My mom and brother  were sitting in the living room with their heads down.There was a horrible feeling just lingering in the air I was actually afraid but i didn't know why.When my looked up I could tell my mom had been crying for hours.Then without me asking, she told me my father was arrested for rape,kidnap,robbery,and aggravated assault.I didn't believe her so i looked around the house, I thought it was some sick joke, but I didn't see any sign of my dad.Once i knew my dad was gone I didn't cry,but inside i felt dead and miserable,my entire life from that day seemed like a living nightmare.
 I was in the sixth grade.At school i had two great friends and being at home was always a challenge.I was always arguing with my step dad Carlos,and surprisingly  my mom always took his side.she was becoming a real bitch.My brother seemed to like carols and I couldn't imagine why. he was a complete thug and he was in and out of jail.One day my brother and i got into a big fight.I exploded I fell on the ground and starting screaming,crying,and hitting my head against the wall,I was even kicking my legs.To make matters worse my brother was provoking me.I felt destroyed.I wasn't crying because of my brother or throwing some tantrum that all 11 year olds have.I was crying for everything that happened to me and everything that i was going through.My mom put me outside to cool off but I couldn't stop crying.When i looked in the window of my room my older brother was sticking his tongue at me.That was it for me, near by me was a long sliver nail. I grabbed it and engraved a square box on my left wrist.I was on the top of my wrist not the bottom.I had to hide my scar so I put two bandages on it and no one asked me why.Clear liquid and blood always leaked from it and i know it had to heal fast because I couldn't think of an excuse for the square mark on my wrist.That was the first time I cut myself.Then we moved again up the street from were i used to live.I was 12 in the seventh grade gifted classes.I  became even more depressed.At school I loved it I found two new best friends,people who accept me,and teachers who comfort me school couldn't be any more perfect.It was my only escape from home.For me home was a reminder how what my life is not worth living.When I look at my mom I see a completely different person which reminds me of a person who I lost to Carlos Some one on the streets.When I look at my apartment it reminds me of my old house.Everything was wrong and is still wrong in my fucked up life.My mom betrayed me to carols.Every time he had a problem with me that he over exaggerated about my mom was willing to whip me for him and his desires.She said it herself that he was a sensitive person and sensitive people blow thing out of proportion.I t got to the point that I hated  my mom brother and broken family.I was cutting the bottom of my wrist on a daily basis and I knew it wasn't healthy so I forced my self to stop.I have gone 3 weeks without harming my self i am trying so hard to get my life back together by me self.It may sound easy but for a 13 year old girl it seems impossible.I don't know what to do.when I am at school I am happy, at home I am angry and sad.I always get irritated when anyone says anything to me especially my mom. I keep trying to understand why I cant have a normal life like any other 13 year old girl.I am suppose to be getting mad at my mom for the expensive phone she wont get me but in stead I am depressed and wasting my youth the times that I will never get back.Please, tell me what I should do, because for the first time in my life, I feel completely alone.Please help me.  :(

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